To all my friends.. :)

Today is the 1st of July 2019. Three years ago this day, I landed in Cochin international airport back from a trip across Europe after my job as a happy go lucky fellow who cared  about anything, who wanted to live a impromptu life with no goals and no targets.  There was always a small dream of  returning to Europe and living there. But nothing solid. I was just a live as I go guy. Life has not been easy ever since. It has been tough. I know this because, I wish i could roll back this 3 years and start a different life. Somewhere along the way,I lost my thoughts and everything I ever had and everything I gained in between.

I am not saying I did not have a happy time. I am just saying that, it had been tough. The roller coaster of life had enough exciting ups and depressing downs but the general trend of life has been downwards. I cannot forget the entirely new set of friends and acquaintances I got during the last few years and each one of the trips I had and the travels in between which i have been throwing up on Whatsapp statuses. It was always a good experience and I appreciate all the warm gestures of friendship you guys made. That has kept me floating out here. I do not think, I can do this much further though. It was all good till date. I think it would unfair for me to try troubling you guys further. However meaningless my life is turning out to be, I will try my best to be a person who doesnt disturb anyone. I request you not to think that I was leeching on  you guys till date. But I do not understand life anymore. I think, I have lost in my pursuit of happiness and just troubled all my friends unnecessarily.

I cannot forget the people who helped me through this past. I know I have been dependent on a few friends to the extend that you guys think I am just a disturbance. I am starting to not get called back, which is sad for me. I want to apologize, if you ever felt that I am just trouble. I didn't mean it. I would have tried to help you and get disturbed if the positions are reversed. I am thankful for every help and sorry for every moment, I barged on to you. I promise you that I will try to not forget whatever you did for me and I will try my best if an opportunity comes by to do you a favour. Just do let me know and ask if I can help whenever you catch a hold of me.

I still have a few help request to make and later write a few detailed thank you notes out here. Just wanted to say I would appreciate if you remember me as a good friend and as someone who cared about  you. I will miss you all, but I do not want to  trouble you further. I am taking a sabbatical from all friendships because I am turning out to be nothing  but a leech in getting help and not doing anything.

Adios! Hasta la Vista!
Daniel

Am I Bipolar?

A month before I wouldn't have asked that question, because I didn't know what it meant, neither had i really heard about it. Thanks to a coincidence,I know it. If I know it, why the question "am I"? I guess I don't know it enough and the answer I feel now is yes. Thought i better invite some opinions on me.

Let us start, from the story of how i came across this question. One day, I was just bored lying around in the bed watching and refreshing my facebook as always... the feed was getting pretty boring, i just dropped into another timepass which i had discovered not so long ago.. Omegle. Frankly I was surprised by the person who showed it to me, it really changed my opinion about him. That's another story, another episode, somewhere in my autobiography if i ever get to write it.

So what you find in Omegle is generally a lot of ppl who want to make full use of anonymous random chat to unleash their inner beast and fantansies. The concept of talking to strangers and making friends is generally hard to find. But then at times, the search for it is so easy since mostly it won't go a lot beyond two sentences unless they are around interested in finding the random stranger to just talk. Again what omegle is doesn't look like the heading of my post.

So this day I lie around i guess it should have been a saturday night because i remember it was going pretty late already, and the friday was an amazing day and i wouldn't sit late unless it is a saturday or friday... :) So I get bored of just refreshing my FB page, I go to Omegle searching for people who don't disconnect after two lines. I was about to get bored of that as well and planning to go into the sweet slumber, when I meet this 15 yr old from england who seem to be someone like me, interested in talking with a random stranger out of boredom. The conversation goes on, i find that by coincidence I have someone who thinks like me and surprisingly young and sensible. So I like find people who like to think like I think, because they are hard to find. Yup, I know what you are thinking. Yes I do think pretty weird for a majority around the world. So in the end, I found a friend from half way around the world(may be just 1/3rd around the world by location). I am certainly still impressed by what i know of this friend, but that again is not a reason why i wrote this blog. I'm just getting distracted and distracted. Let me try getting back to the Topic.

So I end up finding the blog of my friend. How did I end i finding it? To be frank, it wasn't hard. I happened to check out new and "3rd" person to follow my blog. Wow! I fell upon not just a blog but another fact. Yes,  My new friend was bipolar. So this induces the natural question in me, What is "Bipolar Disorder"? Then my recent natural habit, when I come across new stuff happened. What was it? Yes, of course, Putting the word "Bipolar Disorder" in google and clicking on the Wiki link that comes up. Why don't i do the Wiki search than search in google and click the link. It has been a habit or i enjoy autocorrect option or just love the plain google search too much, may be the easiness of googling from chrome. (I hate the fact that i am dependant on the fact that I'm so dependant on a company named after a typo founded by Larry Page and Sergey Brin.) I'm drifting from the topic again.

So as I read through the explanation put together by people collaborative effort founded by Jimmy Wales. I end up asking myself the Title of this post. Why I asked that question, is a fact that still evades me. I guess I might be either being a hypochondriac or I am thinking right? That is a question I still need to find answer on.. and I don't expect a Yes or no answer by the end of this post. Currently the scope of this post is just the search for the answer and putting together my thoughts on Bipolar disorder. Now that I'm aware of something called "Bipolar Disorder", let me being on the better of the two insane options i have here. Being a hypochondriac.

I will not rather go through the painful reasoning why I think myself is bipolar. But I guess I had rather take another path of discovering what is Bipolar and my own speculations and thoughts on seeing it differently or rather put in my weird thought on it. I know i might not be really understand the issue and here i take disclaimer for the information on this blog once again. These are my thoughts and might not be correct, be free to put forward your views on the comments.

So the google definition of Bipolar goes like this "Bipolar disorder is a condition in which people go back and forth between periods of a very good or irritable mood and depression. The "mood swings" between mania and depression can be very quick" The courtesy goes to http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov I believe.

I wonder how come the random switching of moodswings is so much of big issue. I might be being optimistic  but definitely i guess the people who fit this description are people who have a higher range of moods. That can be positive too. With the ability of going to the extremes and think well too. Yes, I do wonder why depression is considered as a condition. I know the bad effects of depression like suicidal tendency. But the mind of an individual is his/her individuality. The fact that his/her mind is different from a big majority doesn't mean that it is mind that needs to be faulty. Yes. I'm trying to prove that thinking weird isn't the meaning that there is something wrong with the mind. Tell me a good reason why being different is Crazy.

I'm rather worried about how world considers a Psychiatric patient. Why should you consider a person who is crazy different from a person who has a heart problem or a fever patient. The biggest issue with the mind is not the problem, but the way the people around you sees you. The way the world considers you changes. The fact that the persons who proved to be great after being considered can be presented as a publicity stunt, but if the world standing against you is kind of challenging and trying to prove you are better is fun.  But the people who are good enough to stand up against the whole world is not very high. Probably people will commit suicide due to the depression of having the depression than actual depression, because once you are diagnosed of a psychiatric disorder people tend to take more precaution when you interact than the most contagious fatal diseases that are all around this world. Being different psychiatrically is not a bad thing, It is just being a different kind of person, Just like you look different from other people around you. We need to help others. We just need to bring them closer to our heart and help them become more customised to live like what the general majority thinks is the "normal" way to live. Keeping them away just sends them farther apart from the majority.

The world has to change and just let us make it a better place to leave for everyone. Let us hope it will once become like what is good for everyone.

I guess I drifted around the topic too much already and this is what i have for the day... My Friends' Blog can be found here.... It as well as the author might be of help to someone who is in search of the details of Bipolar disorder. SO worth spreading around. Courtesy: Miss. Bee :)

Mind, choice and the right one.

What makes every creature in this world unique? It is "it's mind". Mind in itself is a poorly identified entity. Mind is sum of all about the thought processes that a creature has. It is the undefined force that rules the neural systems of an organism. It's not just that but also the force that controls the decision of each and every cell individually. Yes that is the God in your system. It is the undefined force that has not revealed itself to the scientists yet. It's what people are constantly in the search of. It's proper definition will be the end of the world as it will define the salvation and the existence of a being. It will lead to a understanding of the force called God and redefine the world. So it will never be defined. That is my mind's opinion

Now you might have a difference of opinion right? You can chose to agree or not. But then there are lot more of choices in front of you. You can chose to partially agree, you can chose to angry at me... etc etc etc... What is the importance of choice? i should say there are a million options that can cross anyones mind. It just one in a million that's chosen. From the advent of life, it's all about the one in a million choice that is taken. The choice is all what matters. Every instant in your life happens based on what you choose. It is your choice that decides how you live.

There is always a choice, which can never be changed, neither can it be left unchosen. It is the choice that makes you unique. It is your choice always how to express yourself or even not to express whatever matters. So what is a right choice?

There is nothing that is right choice. The choice you take might be right for you and wrong for someone else. There is no choice that your mind can take that doesn't affect the world, but only the degree of it matters. So your right choice will not be the correct one and so there is nothing called correct choice. may be you can tell there is a best choice from your side. There will be someone who thinks another choice could have been better, whether you know or not. Every decision you take makes a definite ripple in the world around you, but just the strength of the ripple and the way it affects the others in this world matters. For every force there is an equal and opposite reaction says newtons law likewise every good choice has a equal and opposite bad effect.

Sometimes you might never be bothered, it might not be related to you at all. but sometimes you find yourself at the receiving end of things and you think you made a bad choice. But sometimes you never know, may be you could have made a better choice. But you cannot blame yourself either because you never know. Then you try to make a choice to correct your earlier choice. Does it really negate the effect? not really. A ripple cannot cannot really eliminate another one. May just make the effect lighter.

So be careful when you chose make sure you are making the right choice because a thought before you take a choice might save a lot more than you could ever imagine.

Why did I even write this post. I guess it was my choice to be writing all this in and waste some of the we cloud that google is offering. Some wicked timepass i guess. If you stumbled upon this piece of thought somehow, I hope this helps you in someway.

Kudos