Norge-III: 1 year and counting

It has been an year since I moved to Norway. After a year, how I feel is not as good as I imagined when i decided to leave the home country and go packing a year and 4 months before. I thought it would be easy.  I was hopeful. It was an adventure I wanted to try for it felt great to imagine. I had great expectations.  Guess I have to quote shakespeare and mention I agree 100%  "Expectations are the root of all heartache".  There is nothing much i can do about it.  Yes, Norway was just another country. It wasn't the exceptional paradise of a country which I was hoping for. The difference that was expected was not there and the difference that was unexpected was hard to digest.  It is not a bad thing. But not getting what you seek disappoints you. Not being able to  accept what you get disheartens you.

Of course, The cold-hearted Viking land can sap out your mental strength like anything, especially if you are trying to fit in. It is a hard place to try fitting in especially when you don't look like anything that will easily fit in. The problem with trying to fit in a lot is that you start to loose out on what you have and will not get to where you are trying to. You will find yourself lost in wilderness, like the person in "The Terminal" having gotten off the plane and being able to get out of the airport. In a culture you don't understand, which wouldn't easily take you in surviving can be hard.

When i packed my bags to Norway, I was confident I can fit in. Being half a sociophile, I was confident adjusting to Norway would be breeze. But it was not meant to be. The thing about norway is it has grown up against a lot of challenges and the culture has grown itself a shell to survive the difficulties like it's climate.geography, climate and what not. The shell itself has made them reserved. I find it hard to adjust to that attitude. To converse freely with a person when you are talking to him at work and to not even say a hi when you meet someone outside work related meeting. I cannot understand it at all. It is as if they maintain two worlds seperate from eachother. One work and One life. May be the lack of life because i have been working so much in Asia where it is not important has made me unable to comprehend the idea, but it is not something I can adapt with. It is hardly few familiar faces i see in this world. I would love to see a familiarity whenever i meet that person again. I guess the problem with me is I'm not a good adaptable person. I have my own stubbornness in understanding and adapting. I cannot lose myself adapting to surroundings. I have my individuality. It may be my blessing, my curse.

I would assume my shoes is what a lot of people can just dream of,  but as it is human nature, I cannot be satisfied with what I already have. It is definitely worth living however bad I feel about it. I have had a lot of fun over the last year, a week in spain, a weekend in Dubai, a day in Doha, couple of weeks in Brasil, a few trips inside Norway has always been lighting up my life occassionally. These fireworks that light up my life is better and bigger than before. It is something i will not have achieved unless I had ventured out here.  But it is not what i miss.. What i miss is the people i had around who lit up my life everyday no matter how little it was. It is the moments of little light in a dark room i miss. It is the darkness i fear.  It is that moments of darkness that disheartens me. I am looking for that candle that can light up the room, which I cannot find.

The question that keeps me wondering now.. is that whether i should give-up and try something else or keep trying. As a matter of fact, I do not know yet. A part of my heart is willing to give everything up and go searching for a new horizon may be a different venture , whereas other part of my heart inspires me stating all the facts and things i have pondered to keep trying, inspiring and thinking that i will get  better as I'm subjecting myself to a very hard phase in life by exporting myself into a culture unknown. May be it is just that part of my heart thinks that the other option is option is too much of a risk or may be it is right. I stand perplexed what i should do. Should i quit or just keep trying to adjust to it is a question that bothers me everytime. Only time will tell. I'm hoping it will tell.

This is dedicated to some people who have helped me keep positive providing that small sparks of light in the darkness that keeps me going...  and I wish that i get the mental strength to make my life extraordinary!!! :)

Tchau
 

Norge- 2! Post Winter Thoughts

It has been a while since i looked back at this blog. It is not the lack of time. It is rather the lack of peace that kept me from doing that. There are things that bother me a lot. There are things that keep me up. There are things that drag me down. there are things that nudge me eitherways.

I'm in a situation that many yearn, a few achieved. Still why am I not happy? I think i judged a few things wrongly. I judged a few things might be easy, but it was never. I wonder anybody reading this is concerned about it other than me.

The first and foremost thing i learned from my six months in norway is that immigration into a different culture is not fit for a social parasite like me. In india, travelling was never hard for me.. That kept me from being a parasite of the same set of people. I always had numbers to call and couches and beds to stay in most of the places in India. Now that i left India and is all alone in this alien country. I feel the loneliness. I'm ashamed of being a social parasite like before,because the lack of network i have here.

Winter was fun with a bit of skiing, a bit of snowboarding. It is nothing great, but it was me trying to fit in,making a fool of myself in front of everybody else. But then as time passes the feeling that i don't fit in here is just increasing. The thought about going back and settling into having a quiet life is increasing. For the winter, i have been trying to fit in. Now i'm starting to feel that i don't belong here.

The trip back to india was just a reminder how easy, how fun it was to be there. I'm exploring opportunities and trying to come up with ideas as to what to do and how to do it. Walking a lot, getting a cycle, welcoming the spring is what i'm doing now, trying to keep myself busy. Yes, I'm lonely. Why so_ becauseI'm someone with a lot of special needs and comfort zones for myself.  I don't like to be out of those comfort zones.

Does it have anything to do with norway? The answer ihave to that question, though seem unrealistic is a big "NO". As i mentioned, norway isn't a place suited for someone like me. It is more suitable for positive minded people who are self-confident, proud and motivated. All four of these qualities which i lack considerably.

What i love about norway is the fact thateven though the weather is cold you'll never find it difficult to findawarm smile from people working in theopposite direction.They aregood people. Well most of them. I wouldn't blame them for not smiling at my face, but I do appreciate the warmth of the smile, nodding of the head and the salutes given away during interaction with strangers.

Another problem is the work culture here. Having been working in multiple parts of asia, i am used to enjoy working under pressure. Pressure is what helps me prioritize. Here there is no pressure. That makes me lose direction in everything. I'm just not at all used to it. The life outside work is more important than work. Of course itshould be that way. I ain't contradicting having a life here. The point is I'm already a fish out of the water and the last thing i need is the glowing hot sun evaporating the watercontent from my body.  And that is exactly the situation, that of fish out of the water on a hot tropical beach during hot midsummer day at noon time.

Hopefully i'll get out of it.. whether i'll be able to jump back into the water or the tide will rise to save me is a question only time can answer. you never knowmay bei will leave to breathe from atmosphere. let us see what happens.

Fingers crossed.... Thanks for reading...
Adios
Thakkudu.